can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
