is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
