I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize