maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
