When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
