Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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