You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
