He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
