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There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
