My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
