Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
