He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
