R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
