So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
