he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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