Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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