currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I FOUND THE LEGS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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