At least make sure they are 18
Why
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
