i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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