Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
