just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
