i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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