Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
