I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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