I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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