She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
