Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
