Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
