I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
