after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
