Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
