toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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