I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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