Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
