that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
