i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
