Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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