Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
