highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
