i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
