so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
