So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
