Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
