mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
