On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
