he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
