yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
splinters make it hard to masturbate
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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