Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
