Joe is yelling at the trees again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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