She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
