hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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